Self-Motivated, Empowered and into Action. Part 3 of 5

October 20th, 2014

[ Motivational Author]

Freedom VS Learned Helplessness

What fantastic news it was when I was able to take my arm out of my sling!

Oh the freedom!

Even better, was two weeks later when I got behind the wheel of my car, simply magical to be self-sufficient and free!

Yet, there are still very basic things I cannot do with my hand, arm and shoulder, and it is very frustrating at times.

Naturally, this situation made me think of the days I was a practicing social worker, and definitely had to proceed with a message, and the message this time is about learned helplessness and what to do about it. We all get dealt good and bad situations in life, and our emotions can take a battering at times. When things go wrong, we need to be nurtured by ourselves and others, and also to be kept safe, as healing takes place. As time goes on, we deal with the problem and our emotions, and start to become more independent.

Unfortunately for some people, when difficulties arises their lives, they become stuck, and continue to expect others to do things for them. The result is, ‘learned helplessness’. They lose confidence in themselves and their abilities, they can no longer do things like they used and are totally dependent on others emotionally.

Now thinking about my shoulder and hand again; yes it was great to take my arm out of the sling and have freedom, but that also meant taking it out of the protection it was in during part of its healing. Had I left my arm in the sling forever, healing would stop and my shoulder, and hand would become useless with lack of use.

There are different stages of healing after an operation. There is a stage where my shoulder had to be safe, supported and protected in the sling. Then I was able to remove the sling and move my shoulder, and hand to do very basic things, at times I over extend it without meaning to, and it really hurt, but that is part of the healing.

So here is the message. When life has given you a bad deal, you have solved it, or solving it, you need time to heal emotionally, to feel safe during this time it takes to heal, and to develop the skills to move on again with confidence.

Moving on again, at times means getting emotionally hurt again, but it is part of the healing process. Unfortunately, some people cannot deal with this healing process, and instead of becoming independent again, they go backwards and go straight into ‘learned helplessness’ expecting others to protect them, nurture them, thus not dealing with their emotional issues, and losing their freedom.

What about you? What areas in your life do you need to stop expecting others to carry you?  Is it time to become self-motivated, feel empowered and be action oriented despite what has happened in your life? What negative emotions have you been in long enough, that need to be replaced with positive ones so that you can live an empowered action oriented life?

Think about it!

Until next time, make your life count! Delece Ford

 

Motivational Author – Self-motivated, Empowered and into Action. Part 2 of 5

September 28th, 2014

What are you waiting for, and how long are you prepared to wait?

 

As you know, I recently had an operation on my left shoulder and the opposite hand. There is not much I can do with both hands out of action, so I am concentrating on what I can do. I can walk, so I have increased my morning walks- this gives me an opportunity to become fitter and also appreciate the beautiful park longer. I can speak, so I use this time to record audios and videos for upcoming programs, time that I would have used for something else. I can now type 5 minutes at a time, so a few short blogs can be achieved.

 

You see, I could be really quite miserable, as I can type really fast, but the operation has slowed me down considerably. I have to wait for someone to do most things for me, a very independent me. This however, is not the worst thing that has happened in my life, but a good example to use in any situation when we feel discouraged. So, I asked myself the same questions I asked you in the beginning of this blog. What are you waiting for, and how long are you prepared to wait?  Three words came into my mind, self-motivation, empowerment and action! These three words I thrived on as a social worker for 24 years. Let us not concentrate on what we cannot do, but on what we can do, let us be self-motivated, feel empowered and get into action!

 

Is it frustrating having someone else do most things for me? Definitely! Do I get irritated and annoyed at times not being able to do things for myself? Definitely! I am human and experience all the human emotions both positive and negative. The important thing to remember is, it is how long we hold certain emotions for and what we do with them that is important. It is ok to feel frustrated and irritated for a while, that is quite normal, but if I remained that way I would become a pain in the butt. But replacing these emotions with being self-motivated, feeling empowered and getting into action, means moving ahead and healing faster.

 

What about you? What areas in your life do you need to stop waiting and waiting, and just become self-motivated, feel empowered and be action oriented? What negative emotions have you been in long enough, that need to be replaced with positive ones so that you can live an empowered action oriented life?

 

Until next time, make your life count! Delece Ford

 

Self-Motivation, Empowerment and Action [Part 1 of 5]

September 25th, 2014

Hi everyone, an operation on one shoulder and an operation on the opposite hand, has temporary stopped this writer. However, a writer never dies and  I will be back soon, with bigger and better stories. So, in the meantime, stay self motivated, empowered and action oriented. Make your life count!

Photo: Hi everyone,  what stops a writer from writing?  An operation on one shoulder and an operation on the opposite hand. A writer never dies, even though I can only type with my thumb.  I will return soon, with even  bigger and better empowering stories. Till then, stay motivated and empowered!

Rest if you must, but never quit, no matter what comes your way!

You can do it! Part 3 of 3

July 27th, 2014

 

In part 2 of 3 of ‘You can do it!’ I spoke about how some people tell you, that you cannot achieve your dreams for a variety of reasons. I also mentioned that you know yourself better than anyone else, so if you are going to listen to anyone, then make sure it is someone who is an expert in their field. I also gave you four steps to follow to motivate you to pursue your dreams.

I now want you to think about ‘focus’ and ‘making every minute count,’ why? Because that helps you to achieve your dream, to just do it despite what anyone tells you. Here is my example:-

When I worked in one particular area of the Public Service I had to attend boring meetings which often lasted three hours. The boss and others spoke about the same issues over and over again, and never came up with a solution. So frustrating! The answer was so easy, but the leader and the organisation was such a [!], that nothing ever got resolved. It was a waste of time and public money.

I am not putting public servants down, in other departments of the Public Service I worked my butt off, as did the other workers. It was just this particular area. Anyway, the team meeting lingered on and on, and I spent the entire time writing as the discussions continued. The boss, then stopped speaking and asked me to repeat what I had written down in the minutes. I told her that I was not taking the minutes, that according to the roster, she was the minute taker.

The boss yelled at me, what the hell are you writing then if not the minutes? To which I proceeded to tell her all that was said in the meeting, [given I had heard it all before and knew it off by heart]. This made her even angrier as she looked at the roaster and realised it was indeed her who was meant to take minutes. You must have something written down she said, I have nothing documented for the auditor!

So, what are the points I am telling you here in ‘you can do it part 3 of 3’?

  1. There are times in life when you are just surrounded by idiots. Yes I was supposed to be concentrating on the job, and in other areas of work I did, but this meeting time was wasted due to poor management, and issues never being resolved. I was very productive in using my time in those meetings that often went on for 3 hours. What was I writing? My manuscripts for my books, and yes, I could still tell the boss what was happening in the useless meetings. I am not advocating for anyone to do this, it could get you in trouble at work. I am suggesting however, not to waste time in pursuing your dreams. Got a spare minute? Use it wisely!
  2. Focus on what you want to achieve by doing it on a regular basis, persistence is a key ingredient! Don’t worry about being perfect, be persistent! Get active and get it done!
  3. Disregard other people’s opinions is worth repeating to you because you can do it! Why is it worth repeating? I have been rubbished on occasions because of how I write. Does that mean I should stop writing? I am not going to listen to others, and neither should you. English is not my mother tongue, how I write is terrible. However, what I write is important to me. I empower others, I motivate others and that is what I do best!

What do you do best? What is it that you want to achieve in life? Forget about people who say you cannot achieve your dreams. Seek out expert advice, go on, you know you can do it!

 

Delece

You can do it! Part 2 of 3

July 17th, 2014

 

In part 1 of 3, ‘You can do it!’ I suggested you ignore people’s opinions who do not believe you can achieve your goals and dreams.

I mean, who knows you best of all, isn’t it you? It is your choice, not anyone else’s what you do with your life.

There are always people who will tell you that you cannot achieve your dreams for a variety of reasons.

  • They might think that your success will destroy or change the relationship they have with you.
  • They might just be self-opinionated or ignorant to the fact that goals and dreams can and do turn into reality.
  • They might be jealous of your success.

For whatever reason people try to discourage you from achieving your goals and dreams, their opinions are irrelevant to you.

Your dreams are no one else’s business, you do not have to prove anything to anyone. All you need to think about is what is best for you, and your future.

Make your own decisions in life, and do not be influenced by anyone else. It is your life, take responsibility for it and bask in your success!

Who is telling you that you cannot achieve your dreams anyway? Family? Friends? Workmates? Insignificant others? What qualifications do they have on the subject or goals you are working towards achieving? If none, then how is their opinion relevant?

So, how are you going to deal with this negativity from others?

Step one: – Accept they have the right to have their opinions, but disregard their opinions and aim for your goals and dreams anyway! So what if you stuff up a couple of times? Check out the millionaires and successful people, it is well documented that they make mistakes, learn from the mistakes and move on and become very successful.

Step two:- Deal with your emotions, emotions are normal, and if you are feeling lousy because someone is giving you a hard time, then concentrate on your goal and dreams even harder, stay focused on the outcome you want to achieve.

Step three: – Google is your friend, research as much information on your subject as possible, find people who are experts in your field of interest, and have them as your mentors.

Step four: – Take action! Implement your ideas! Hey, there is no stopping you! Be persistent!

It is your life! Live it to the max!

Cheers

Delece

 

You Can Do it! Part 1 of 3

June 16th, 2014

 

Never mind what other people tell you, what you cannot do.

Tell yourself what you can do, and disregard their opinions.

Here are 3 tips for you to consider, what you can do.

  1. Just because you have not done it before, or ‘stuffed it up’ before, does not mean you can’t do it now.
  2. Look within for your own answers.
  3. Re-invent yourself.

In part 2 or 3, I will tell you how you can do it.

 

Delece

It’s the Journey, not just the Destination part 3 of 3

June 9th, 2014

 

In part 2 of 3 of this blog series, I stated that every part of life is important, and every part needs to be as productive, satisfying and happy as we can possibly make it. Unfortunately; some journeys [part of life] like jobs, friendships, partners or situations we find ourselves in  are completely unproductive, stressful and dysfunction, and this can invoke emotions  such as hopelessness, sadness, hate, or if completely overbearing send us into major depression.

Unfortunately, by the time people who are  ‘stayers’, people who do absolutely everything to make a situation work, or a  relationship work before they ‘give up’, or should I say ‘wear out’, or ‘are sucked dry’.  Lose their enthusiasm, energy and drive, and to even think of a plan is difficult. So let me turn this around for you. You cannot afford not to plan.

Point 1. Planning makes your transition from a lousy place to a better place much easier.

Of course we are all clever on reflection aren’t we?  I can hear the ‘if only’, right now.

  1. If only, I had walked away from my false friend before, I would not be so emotionally drained, she just took and took from me, now I have nothing left.
  2. If only, I had left that violent marriage before, I would not have wasted so many years of my life.
  3. If only I had left that pathetic job sooner, I would have been happier and more fulfilled much sooner.
  4. If only I had left my partner sooner, she would not have gambled all my hard earned money at the casino.

It is time to forget the ‘if only’s’, and time to concentrate on the now. Make the most of where you are right now, move forward, right now, and be happy right now, the past is gone and done with.

When I left my pathetic job, I walked outside the building, took my shoes off, shook the dust off them and said, good riddens to a pathetic dysfunctional job. I release you from my mind, emotions, thinking and leave you far behind.

I must have looked like an idiot waving a pair of shoes in the air and banging them together [I got the idea from the Bible] standing there on the footpath saying my good ridden speech. I turned my back, walked off, and never looked back at the building, and I have never looked back emotionally. It was over, the limited ‘If only’s of  I should have left that job sooner,  was limited because when I left, I left everything behind, my mind and emotions were ready for a new life. It was a great plan.

So what do we have so far in this blog?

  1. We understand that the plan makes the transition better
  2. We need to say a good bye, in our own way so that issues do not linger in our emotions and thinking after we leave. Yes, you will still think of some bad times, but with a good plan, transition and getting it out of your system as you leave will decrease this situation.

 

Point 2. Let’s all learn from hindsight.

For those of us who try to fix all relationships and situations, the ‘stayers’, the people who do not give up easily. You need to constantly check your boundaries; how many hangers on in all areas of relationships, friends, partners, colleagues, do you have around you?  Is your workplace pushing you beyond your expected role and just using you?

For those of you who follow me on a regular basis will remember the blog series on goals, that making them on a regular basis is more attainable than New Year resolutions as you make them on a regular basis, and it is more achievable in smaller pieces throughout the year.

Point 3. Checking your boundaries on a regular basis is also a good idea, it will prevent you from trying to fix things when you should have walked away long ago. So how do you check your boundaries?  Ask yourself questions such as;

  1. Am I doing all the giving again?
  2. Does this feel right to me? I mean in my body? I am just getting vibes this is not right.
  3. Am I getting used or abused here?

You can feel the situation is not right, you know what I am speaking about here. If you are a giver, a fixer, a stayer, you need to learn to say no at the right times. There are times when others need to stand on their own two feet and work their own struggles out and grow for themselves without you holding them up.

It is fine to go the extra mile for others, but when we do it with everyone, and start to go 1,000 miles over and over again, we wear out, we burn out in whatever the situation we are in, and the leaving becomes difficult to do. So learn from hindsight, and next time, keep on guard and check your boundaries on a regular basis.

Be nice, be kind, be helpful and assist others. But remember, the journey is yours too, you are not on earth to be used and abused. You are here to have a good time, serve your purpose, and for that- you need rest, vitality, enthusiasm and energy to fulfill your mission.

Bye for now, till my next blog series.

 

Make your life count!

Delece

 

 

It’s the Journey, not just the Destination part 2 of 3

May 25th, 2014

In part 1 of 3 of this blog, I stated that I once had a job that I despised so much,  that I was so embarrassed working in such a dysfunctional, pathetic organization  that I never told anyone of my place of employment, except, for those close to me. To anyone else, I simply stated that I worked for the government.

Stupidity is the reason I stayed there, I was under the false impression that I could make a difference there, plus the money was great.

The journey is as important as the destination in life. Every part of life is important, and every part needs to be as productive, satisfying and happy as we can possible make it. Unfortunately; some journeys [part of life] like jobs, friendships, partners or situations we find ourselves in  are completely unproductive, stressful and dysfunction, and this can invoke emotions  such as hopelessness, sadness, hate, or if completely overbearing send us into major depression.

Using an ex-job of mine as an example, there are two points I would like to make-

  1. There are times when certain parts of our journey [lives] need to be dumped, and replaced for something much better. [I did not learn anything in that particular place of employment that I did not know before, through my profession, my personal life or personal experiences.] When you stop learning, you start to stagnate.
  2. If you are not happy in your relationships or circumstances you find yourself in because you are not being treated well, then again, you stagnate, you go backwards in life, you lose skills and life simply passes you by! Just like it did to me remaining in a pathetic useless job.

So whether you find yourself in situations such as; domestic violence, or find that your friendships are not what you thought they were, or, places you attend are not what you had anticipated, and you are not happy, or are being treated badly emotionally, physically then get out. Don’t waste your time there thinking you can make a difference in that relationship or situation.

I am not speaking about small spats you might have with friends or you partner, nor issues that can be negotiated in the workplace, I am speaking about situations that are hopeless, that drain you to such an extent that you feel weighed down and it all feels just hopeless. These situations need to be replaced with something more satisfying and fulfilling to you.

Replacing bad situations is not easy to achieve, I am not saying just drop everything, and leave, that is as stupid as staying in the situation you are in. What I am suggesting is to;

  1. Plan, plan and plan again.
  2. Don’t leave that job until you have something better lined up.
  3. If you are in a domestic violence situation, make sure your plans of having a safe place to go, and support systems are all set in place before you make your move, homelessness is not an option.
  4. Friendships? These are so important for us all in life, but if your friendships involves someone emotionally sucking you dry, it is time to move on.
  5. Whatever no longer serves you, plan what you are going to do about it, get your supports up and running, make your move and replace it with something much better and healthier.

I actually wanted to leave that job much sooner than I did, but I had a plan, and when I was ready, I left. Amazing! In the following job I realized just how many skills I had lost being employed in that pathetic organization, how much I had slid backwards bit by bit and stagnated. It did not take long to feel happy and proud to be employed in a job I could tell everyone about.

You too, can do the same. Find yourself a better job, better relationship or whatever is annoying you. If it does not suit you, plan you escape well, get great support and leave. Oh I hear you say, your situation is a lot worse than mine, perhaps you are in a domestic violence situation etc. Well, I was a social worker for 24 years, in the past I have assisted many women leave those sort of situations and assisted other people with other situations with positive results.

We all have a part of our journey in life that is bad, some worse than others. The idea is to minimize those bad times  as much as we can, to plan well so it does not happen again, get out of that situation with support from appropriate people and move on to a more productive life. We only have on life, let’s live it to the max, and give it all we’ve got!

Plan your move, get support, get someone to empower you through that part of your journey that is lousy, and achieve a productive, happy, fulfilling life.

It is hard, but so is staying in the situation you might be in

Give it a go! You can do it!

 

Delece

 

 

 

It’s the Journey not just the Destination part 1 of 3

May 13th, 2014

I recently went on a holiday up north and travelled on the Sun lander, taking 22 hours to get to my destination. Now, if you are not obsessed with old trains you would question why on earth someone would take the option of travelling this way when the plane is cheaper and quicker.

It’s simple, the train ride was part of the journey. I have lost count how many airplanes I have been on, they give me no excitement what so ever. But a train, well, it is what happens on the train, the people you speak with in the dining room car, in the lounge, and also about the different conversations that take place. The destination was good too, had a great time, met fascinating people, and laughed almost continually.

The trip did remind me of life, many of us have a destination in mind, to do something to then achieve something else out of it, for example, study something to get a good job. But what happens if part of the journey ends up being pathetic? Horrible? Then what?

On the train I had a good time and mingled with others, but if I was not enjoying my time then it would be simply a matter of going back to my sleeper and read a book. However, life is different isn’t it? If you are somewhere you don’t like, you can’t just take off, or can you?

I recall working in the most pathetic organisation once that I never told anyone where I was employed, except for those close to me, anyone else, I would just say I work for the government. This place was the worse place I worked in my entire life, in fact the first day I set foot in the building I realised I made a mistake, and I could feel the negativity that very first day.  I was also warned by others not to stay there as it would ruin my life, and yes it did just that for a while.

So why did I stay so long? Stupidity is the only answer I can come up with to be honest. The money was great, but that is never a reason to stay in a job, you have to really love what you do, and to be honest, I despised the work and the dysfunctional system.

When I was leaving the boss told me to sign and promise that I would never write what was happening in the organisation.  I burst out laughing and said, I am trying to escape from this place, why would I write about it? I want to forget it, as far as I am concerned when I walk out of here, I never existed.

That part of my journey in life was pathetic, my entire life has been about empowering people, motivating people, yet for that part of my journey in life, I lost it. I was consumed by the negativity around me to such a point that I not only could not empower others, but could not empower or motivate myself either.

Life is a journey, and each journey we take, we need to make the most of it, there are times when we need to just walk away to do something different, something that is more suited to our true selves. Don’t waste your time in useless journeys that take you nowhere. We have all done those useless trips at times, we have one life, don’t waste it, and do something you really enjoy. I certainly wished I had listened to those who had advised me to leave that horrible place of employment.

 

The journey does not have to be bad to get to the destination you are looking for, change the route of your journey and most likely the destination will be heaps better. It sure has been for me. Just try it!

 

Delece

 

 

 

Powerful Healing from Sexual Abuse part 3 of 3

April 28th, 2014

Sexual Abuse, or any form of abuse is totally unacceptable. If you or someone you care about have experienced sexual abuse and have chosen for whatever reason not to discuss it with a therapist, then, take time to consider my online program on ‘Powerful Healing from Sexual Abuse’ coming soon.  You do not have to remain stuck in your healing process. There is a fantastic life to be lived, and you deserve to live it! There can be a bright future ahead of you despite the abuse. Is it time for you to grasp life with both hands and live it to the max?

My program consist of 24 written modules and 24 audios addressing powerful healing from sexual abuse. So if you have chosen not to discuss your abuse, then this is a way to deal with abuse and move on to a healthier happier live.

It also has information for people who have spoken about their abuse to others but seek further assistance.

Of course as a Social Worker and Counsellor, I will always advocate for people to speak with a reputable counsellor on a one to one, face to face, basis in counselling sessions, as these sessions are tailor made for your specific issues.

I must emphasize that children who have been abused must be taken for counselling and medical attention immediately.

You can live a great life in future, and the abuse does not have to dominate your entire life. I have actually seen it achieved. You can do it!

 

Powerful Healing from Sexual Abuse is an online program coming soon, think about it. It could change your life, or a life of someone you care about.

 

Delece Ford