In part 2 of 3 of this blog series, I stated that every part of life is important, and every part needs to be as productive, satisfying and happy as we can possibly make it. Unfortunately; some journeys [part of life] like jobs, friendships, partners or situations we find ourselves in are completely unproductive, stressful and dysfunction, and this can invoke emotions such as hopelessness, sadness, hate, or if completely overbearing send us into major depression.
Unfortunately, by the time people who are ‘stayers’, people who do absolutely everything to make a situation work, or a relationship work before they ‘give up’, or should I say ‘wear out’, or ‘are sucked dry’. Lose their enthusiasm, energy and drive, and to even think of a plan is difficult. So let me turn this around for you. You cannot afford not to plan.
Point 1. Planning makes your transition from a lousy place to a better place much easier.
Of course we are all clever on reflection aren’t we? I can hear the ‘if only’, right now.
- If only, I had walked away from my false friend before, I would not be so emotionally drained, she just took and took from me, now I have nothing left.
- If only, I had left that violent marriage before, I would not have wasted so many years of my life.
- If only I had left that pathetic job sooner, I would have been happier and more fulfilled much sooner.
- If only I had left my partner sooner, she would not have gambled all my hard earned money at the casino.
It is time to forget the ‘if only’s’, and time to concentrate on the now. Make the most of where you are right now, move forward, right now, and be happy right now, the past is gone and done with.
When I left my pathetic job, I walked outside the building, took my shoes off, shook the dust off them and said, good riddens to a pathetic dysfunctional job. I release you from my mind, emotions, thinking and leave you far behind.
I must have looked like an idiot waving a pair of shoes in the air and banging them together [I got the idea from the Bible] standing there on the footpath saying my good ridden speech. I turned my back, walked off, and never looked back at the building, and I have never looked back emotionally. It was over, the limited ‘If only’s of I should have left that job sooner, was limited because when I left, I left everything behind, my mind and emotions were ready for a new life. It was a great plan.
So what do we have so far in this blog?
- We understand that the plan makes the transition better
- We need to say a good bye, in our own way so that issues do not linger in our emotions and thinking after we leave. Yes, you will still think of some bad times, but with a good plan, transition and getting it out of your system as you leave will decrease this situation.
Point 2. Let’s all learn from hindsight.
For those of us who try to fix all relationships and situations, the ‘stayers’, the people who do not give up easily. You need to constantly check your boundaries; how many hangers on in all areas of relationships, friends, partners, colleagues, do you have around you? Is your workplace pushing you beyond your expected role and just using you?
For those of you who follow me on a regular basis will remember the blog series on goals, that making them on a regular basis is more attainable than New Year resolutions as you make them on a regular basis, and it is more achievable in smaller pieces throughout the year.
Point 3. Checking your boundaries on a regular basis is also a good idea, it will prevent you from trying to fix things when you should have walked away long ago. So how do you check your boundaries? Ask yourself questions such as;
- Am I doing all the giving again?
- Does this feel right to me? I mean in my body? I am just getting vibes this is not right.
- Am I getting used or abused here?
You can feel the situation is not right, you know what I am speaking about here. If you are a giver, a fixer, a stayer, you need to learn to say no at the right times. There are times when others need to stand on their own two feet and work their own struggles out and grow for themselves without you holding them up.
It is fine to go the extra mile for others, but when we do it with everyone, and start to go 1,000 miles over and over again, we wear out, we burn out in whatever the situation we are in, and the leaving becomes difficult to do. So learn from hindsight, and next time, keep on guard and check your boundaries on a regular basis.
Be nice, be kind, be helpful and assist others. But remember, the journey is yours too, you are not on earth to be used and abused. You are here to have a good time, serve your purpose, and for that- you need rest, vitality, enthusiasm and energy to fulfill your mission.
Bye for now, till my next blog series.
Make your life count!